Penalties: Or how can I put this?

Let me see if i can squeeze you into this one.

I like the, ah, well the way you look. You have one them, ah, trustworthy faces. Looks like you fancy a little, ah, challenge. There's speed there, velocity. Maybe even a little creativity, yeah? That's right, you know what I'm talking about, don't you? So yeah, I see you standing there, ready to, you know, let loose, see how that puppy handles. Maybe, ah, see how much room you have before it tops out and just hit a nice and smooth cruising speed.

So yeah, let me get you out of that tall vodka tonic you've been sucking down and into something with power. Something with stability. Something, ah, well something that doesn't feel the road as much. You'll need some explosion out of the gates, right? Right. And yet, yeah, I think I can just see it in your eyes there ... theeeeere it is, mmmm. That's it. A smooooooth resolution. Mmm hmmm. Stability. Something that will get you through it.

Try this on for size. Let me put you in, no let me rephrase that, I'd really like to see you a pint of Guinness. I think it'll suit you better than you realize. It's gonna jump right out of the gate. Hell, that's how I deal with it. I mean that puppy is gonna look like fusion right before your very eyes. It's gonna come flying, rising, shooting all over. Like an explosion. You might not be able to handle it. You might freak out a little bit at first and you might think it'll never stop. Screw that. You are gonna freak out. You're gonna grab the table, the desk, the wheel, that bird, whatever the hell is closest to you. You'll scream out. You'll shake, waver, question why you're even doing this. No sane person would, surely. "When will the nerves stop," you'll ask yourself. "Someone make them stop, this is gonna be an utter mess! How can I deal with this feeling all night long!? It'll never settle, will it? It can't, can't keep this insane and soul-rattling momentum. Can it?"

I know, I've been there. I've felt that. Hell, I'm there right now with you. Look around you, man, we all are, we're all there with you.

But you know what? It's gonna smooth right over. Would you stop for a second? Just stop. Breath. That's it, take a breath. And look at me, look me in the eyes. And hear me. By the time all that turbulation, all that propulsion (all that desperate defending, all that exhaustion, all the fear, all the finger tip saves, all the glances at the empty bench, all the intercepted passes, all the ranging up and down and back again, all the shots that sail clear into row M), comes to an end ... it's gonna be smooth sailing.

You'll be through the worst of it all with nothing but a settled set of emotions in front of you. You'll be ready to take it down and fire up that tasty vodka tonic again. You know, the kind that sets the gas pedal on the floor and tears through the traffic with narry a concern for the obstacles in front of it. The kind that tore straight through Burnley and West Brom. That kind that has Blackburn shaking for the match on Saturday.

That's right, that kind.

And oh yeah, one more thing ... It's gonna start all over again in a couple of weeks. Set your watches.