Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Questioning their raison d'être in Wigan

As I'm typing this, Colin is at home, snuggling up with his DVR and watching this afternoon's Arsenal-Porto Champions League second leg "live" after shutting off the outside world during work. I imagine when he takes his turn later/tomorrow/after the hallucinogenic, Bendtner-fueled transformational experience ends, he'll dwell on matters slightly more uplifting than meeting one's end slumped over at a $5 blackjack table on a Tuesday morning in Atlantic City, the victim of a massive heart attack.

Yes, a few thoughts about Wigan v. Liverpool from Monday. I just can't get past it. I've seen some horror shows this season as I've repeatedly convinced myself that this match would be the one where Liverpool turns it all around during the 2009-10 campaign. I imagined all sorts of outlandish excuses last night as I went through my own "DVR and watch 'live' after work" experience. First I thought they might all have the flu, but a suggestion from Run of Play on Twitter sent me into a more absurd direction: Liverpool played so horribly because the ESPN UK pitchside reporter (Kelly Cates? Rebecca Lowe? Someone else?), while they lined up in the tunnel, revealed to each of them how they will die.

After all, how could Gerrard be expected to play a sideways pass anywhere near a teammate in his own half when he's just been told his kids will stop talking to him in 2029? You think Lucas wants to clear the ball near his own box when he's only 16 all-too-brief years away from a brain tumor? It's no wonder Yossi Benayoun looked so dispirited last night, what with having to know now that his beloved woodcarving habit will bring about his sudden demise. Hell, Sotirios Kyrgiakos is the only one that ends up with a proper funeral.

As a fan, however, the deepest cut was in the office this morning, as the resident Arsenal fan and United fan took turns consoling me. That's when you know the show's over, folks. You don't get a lot of sympathy calls from people who view the number 19 as a sort of ultimate pinnacle that, in a way, serves to vanquish a significant part of their rival's legacy. If I get a pat on the shoulder and a warm "There, there" from a Newcastle supporter, I'm liable to just go and try to learn the damn rules for cricket or rugby. Anything to get my mind off of things for a few months.

UPDATE: Latics-flavored condolences aren't much fun to swallow, either.

1 comment:

Kuba said...

First, I'm glad the 'blogspot' is finally out of the url, which will help me more efficiently get to this website. Secondly, this post brings up some very good points. I'm close to giving up making excuses at this point, do we even deserve 4th place after some of these results??