That's it

(WARNING: Colin and I try to consistently run a respectable site here. Normally, I'm apprehensive about the language, but I'm calling for an author's exception on this post and in the comments, if anyone feels like it. Today's events have brought out my Joe Kinnear impression.)

I really shouldn't do this right now but fuck it. Let's go.

Who in their right mind takes Torres out of the game after 70 minutes with a one-goal lead? You're only playing one striker anyway, shithead, and you've got a nervous Nancy in Lucas looking unsure of himself and displaying an atrocious first touch throughout the match. And to compound matters, you bring on Riera for the boy, meaning you now have Babel – with, amazingly, an even worse first touch in the match than Lucas – leading the line. Babel, who had not successfully completed a single one-touch pass or through ball despite numerous opportunities. Babel, whose form over the last few months was so bad he requested a loan move to Ajax. Babel, who has shown nothing at all. You consolidate your efforts with Babel.

You numbnuts piece of shit.

But the topper, the end of the line for me with you, is taking off Gerrard after Wigan equalized. You bring on Keane for Gerrard. You're watching your fading hopes of a chance at the League finally drain away, you've got 10 minutes to regain your respectability and your realistic hopes, and you take off the fucking only man who has kept the team in it over the last month.

A pile of shit dropped by a goat in Kazakhstan has more sense than that, Rafa.

Sure, Gerrard was below his typical standard for most of the afternoon, but suddenly you get a wave of sympathy for Keane and put him on for the captain, the only person wearing a red shirt on Wednesday who has ever shown an ability to rescue a desperate or lost cause?!?!

Get fucked, Benitez. You're done. You had everything in front of you, a team ready to believe, a team ready to sustain it over an entire season, and when the chips were down, when all of it was at stake, when you absolutely needed a response to maintain the pace for the first time in 19 years, your best shot involved Torres and Gerrard on the bench, and a self-doubting Dutch Bible-thumper up front with a willing servant playing off him who you have consistently fucked over all year because you didn't get your way with Rick Parry and the American owners over Gareth Barry.

Fuck you, dick. After Inter blows it in May, somebody call Mourinho. At least that devious prick supports his players.