WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS!?

How can I put this politely? Nah, screw it. 

William Gallas, WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION!?

This is the Arsenal captain. This is a 31 year old central defender. This is a man who has played at a top level for many years. This is a France international. This is the man the Arsenal got in return for punting Cashley Cole to the curb. (lame joke alert) This is the man from whom we all now say, "you must be taking the piss!"

Swerving off the side of the road aside, (end of lame joke alert) Gallas has, by all accounts, been a massive disappointment since joining the Arsenal. He has been weak on set pieces, particularly in covering corner kicks. He shows no strength in the air, if he even manages to get in the air. He loses his man time and time again under those set piece circumstances. He has not paired up well with longtime (in the modern era at least) Gunner Kolo Toure. And, perhaps most damning, he has been a poor example as a captain for a team that is clearly lacking maturity, much less mature leadership.

And I say this in the face of the fact that he has clearly picked up a number of big late goals in the last two years. As it is, he's been so inconsistent that I look past those goals. He is supposed to nick a big one from time to time. Just like Arsenal are supposed to get the points against Fulham, Hull and Sunderland (which is why I wasn't stomping in glee with Cesc's equaliser last weekend, again "winning is agony, innit?"). And he certainly should provide more of an impact at his position.

He's a player from whom we hope to see more. Here he is, now, during this international break, admitting that his form has been poor. And we all know how much I love the barrage of quotes that we're overloaded with during international weeks.

William's most stunning performance was The Eduardo Game against Birmingham last spring. Eduardo went down with an horrendously broken leg (thus kicking off the classic summer of "Doing it for Eduardo!"), Clichy took a silly red card, Arsenal dropped the points and William Gallas ... one of our most experienced players ... threw a fit on the field after the final whistle. He kicked the ad panels. He sat on the pitch long after the players had left like Korean Boxer Byun Jong-Il in 1988. And this was the Arsenal captain. That fit led to the swoon of poor form and string of draws that eventually saw the Gunners lose the title to red-faced Jintao, oops, I mean Fergie by a mere five points.

And now, Arsenal face another string of dropped points while team captain William Gallas sulks about his poor form - "my worst at Arsenal." 

Meanwhile Liverpool supporters are rewatching their matches with their morning coffee and dancing in the streets (if not dancing on the bar).