Friday, January 9, 2009

If a car crashes in a Manc tunnel and nobody hears it ...

... does that mean anybody gives a shit?

I think it says everything about Ronaldo on Jan. 9, 2009, that after a full day Thursday knowing of the Ronaldo Ferrari crash, I never once thought to click any link to an explanation of the details. Didn't occur to me for a second. It wasn't until later at night, when I thought of this post, that I considered it might help to at least know a little bit about what happened before I put my thoughts down.

I was wrong.

He crashed his Ferrari, he's not hurt. To paraphrase Bill Hicks, pardon me if that induces a jaw-breaking yawn here.

Seriously, does anybody, anywhere not wearing of a ripoff Thai United shirt give a crap about Ronaldo anymore? Anyone? To watch him in matches these days – and, admittedly, I watch less United than you might think – is to see a crabby 9-year-old girl. He's just a silly poof, more committed than ever to rolling around and letting a little bit of the rough-and-tumble from less-talented opponents get to him. The level of his performance is so down that United have started up the annual title-run mind games in early January, such is their league position. If United had the Ronaldo of 2007-08 on this year's squad, they'd be in front of this thing and in a pleasant gallop across England. Instead, Fergie has had to start firing off the dismissive comments in toward Liverpool and West London, and even Michael Carrick is getting into the act.

Whatever. The dope crashed his Ferrari, his agent is nibbling on the ears of every Spanish journalist he can find, whispering that the deal with Real Madrid is already done and Ronaldo is on his way next season. It's all just such a bore right now. Last summer was a blast, the Madrid rumors and daily drama a funny diversion from Euro 2008 (which was outstanding by the way; remember that?).

Just go home Ronaldo. Wherever that is, or wherever you want that to be, just go there. You're dull.


MulderBurns said...

The car was barely bumped. It took a dive. The damage you see is from the car thrashing about on the ground when the foul wasn't given.

Jim said...


You win Match Pricks commentator of the week.

Just absolutely brilliant.